Pumpkin Spice Engineering

“Do you know how to change these?”, my eldest son asked, working with a plug in air freshener.

“I’ve never done one before, but I’ll take a look”, I answered.  I’m a Mechanical Engineer, how hard could it be?

We tried and tried to screw the glass perfume vial into the plug in unit, the old one worked, but the new one wouldn’t.  To test the cause of the problem, we tried screwing the cap back on both the new and old vials – neither of which worked either. “This cap was on when you got it, right?”, I asked. “Yep.”, he answered.  Hmmm.

Sticky fingered and defeated, I finally gave up.

“Oh!”, he calls from the other room, several minutes later, “It’s ‘lefty-tighty’!”

Why would they do that? Is there some kind of safety reason for the reverse threading?

Must be, because everything I’ve touched since still smells like pumpkin spice.

 

A Van Too Tall

Six foot three inches.  That’s what the signs says.

That is also a problem when the big van my son was trying to park in the ramp at college is a bit over six foot four.

It would have been more than entertaining to have watched him figuring all of this out after having committed to the ramp, during rush hour, then asking the cars behind him to back up, and then trying to turn around in the entrance.

Yes, the Heater Vents are Working

“Wow – it’s not so cold down here anymore.”, said my oldest son as he shuffled out of the bedroom this morning.  “I guess it’s not that it’s cold outside as much as it is whether the heater vents are opened.”

Midnight Scuba Diving

“Just prentend you’re scuba diving.”, I told him.

It was 4:00 a.m.  Today is his 6th birthday.  He has a cold and can’t breathe.

He was sleeping on the floor in our bed room because he was keeping his older brother awake with all of his wheezing and sniffling.  And, now for the past hour and half, he had been doing the same for us.
“Ouch”, he would cry out in between various snarks and snorks.
“What is hurting?”, we would ask.
“Nothing.  It’s just gross.”

Tell me about it.

It’s not that he can’t breathe.  It’s that he can’t breathe through his nose, and he was obsessed, it seems, with checking every 30 seconds whether or not that was really still the case.  He had to have gone through two boxes of tissues by now.

“Let it go for crying out loud.”, I’d say, “Quit trying to breathe through your nose.  You have a COLD.  COLD’s stop a person from breathing through their nose for a couple of days.  Pretend you’ve got a scuba mask on and just breathe through your mouth!”

Silence.  2 minutes.  3 minutes.  I started to fall back to sleep.

“Dad?  Can I blow my nose again now?”

He and Mom (now laughing) went down to sit up and watch TV for awhile.  “Yay!”, he said, on the way out the door.

Best birthday ever.

Engineer Instructions

“Hey Dad, do Engineers need instructions?”, breathlessly asked my 5 year old as he ran into my office.  “We’re going to play engineers and we want to make instructions!”

I didn’t have the courage to tell him that while Engineers often make instructions, they rarely use them.

Collecting Calendars

“I want another calendar.”, said my 5 year old son.
“Why do you want another Calendar?”, I asked.
He hesitated – sensing that somehow it was a foolish thing to ask for.  “A collection.”, he invented, but as if it was already obvious.
“What do you mean, a ‘collection’?”, I asked, a bit more tersely.
“You know what ‘collection’ means.”, he answered, now condescendingly, “You collect marbles.”, he continued, rolling his eyes at my obvious stupidity.
“But, people don’t collect Calendars.  They’re no good after this year.”, I explained.  “They expire.”
“Oh.”
“Then why do you really want another calendar?”,  I asked again.
“To color on it.”  he said.

“And, of course, to have engaged you, Dad, in this conversation.”, I’m sure he thought.

 

It’s the year of my Birthday!

Said my 5 year old.

If at first you don’t succeed…

…reset the goal.

Clapping with Handcuffs

My 5 year old came running into the room all excited.  He had a string wrapped around his wrist with palms facing each other like praying hands…  “Dad!  I’ve got on handcuffs and I’m clapping!”, as he opened and closed his hands – hinged at the wrist – and ran back out of the room.

[[  Emoticon:  "sarcastic yippee" + "are you crazy?" + "I suddenly feel tired"  -- inserted here.  ]]

Scholarship Gaming

My 14 year old son played a lot of video games during the holiday break.

I don’t like it when I’m passive aggressive, or otherwise use guilt to motivate (or demotivate).  But, it was a pretty good line when I asked him if all of that gaming had earned him a scholorship yet.

He was kind of steamed, but I blame it on all of the gaming time.